August 27, 2008

Through The Noise

"There are many kinds of noise in our lives...The doubts that swallow us. The depression that becomes our identity. Inside our heads, the world is shouting at us. And all too often- we listen."

- Adam Hardy and Elizabeth Kays, Through the Noise

As the Communicators for Christ Through the Noise program came to an end, I felt overwhelmed with emotion. All this inspiration to stand, act, and speak through the noise- yet no clear way to put it into action. The program blew me away, and it took what seemed like hours to gather together the scattered pieces of self so I could think clearly.

Only three days later, I found what it meant to be swallowed by doubt. And only now do I glimpse the extent that noise invades my life.

You wouldn't have wanted to talk to me at 10:30 last night. My doubts towered over me. I was stubbornly afraid that though I wanted to do something about hunger, I didn't care enough.

I thought about William Wilberforce, who spent nearly all his life to fight the slave trade. Then- I thought of myself. The pain I felt seeing the starving faces of children may have shot through my soul, but I wasn't agonizing over it. Sure, I wanted to start a project and write a persuasive speech against this incredible human suffering, but what good would that be if I just didn't care enough? Would my efforts be any good if, a year from now, when I had finished giving my speech in competition and community, I just moved to something else?

I wanted my mom to just tell me "it'll be okay- I know that you do care enough for it all to work out." But she didn't. Instead, she said that maybe I didn't care "enough." But, she asked, what was enough? She made me realize that even if I wasn't going to devote my life to fighting hunger, it was still worth doing something now. And perhaps, this doubt and depression was a weapon of the Enemy designed to prevent me from doing good.

Then, it seemed as if I could finally see again: I knew that I wasn't just devoting time to a cause for fun. I was doing this to please God, to fulfill his desire that we care for others' need for food. I realized: if I wasn't going to do something, who would? If there is a burning need, shouldn't I do something to take care of it?

God is good. He made me realize I can only find peace through striving for His glory, not my own.

* * *

Before we can stand through the noise, we must first identify what is preventing us from hearing the one Voice that truly matters.

What noise is in your life? Are your doubts or depression preventing you from bringing as much glory to God as you could?


Kay said...

wow. very insightful and inspiring post. thank you very much for sharing what you've been thinking about with me. <3