March 9, 2009

I am pretentious

When I originally became a blogger, I had the novel idea that what I wrote should be amazing, brilliant, thought-provoking, and possibly famous. I wanted formality and structure, organization and blog serieses. (What is the plural of that word? Serii?)

I think I'm coming to grips with the fact that I'm just another person with a blog. I'm trying to be honest and just write what I'm thinking about on here, instead of pretending I'm something else. Jim Elliot wrote: "Wherever you are, be there 100%," and I'm not quoting that because I think it makes me sound smart- I believe it is vastly overquoted already. But I'd rather write what I want to say (even if it only interests my friends and family), than try to write a formal essay to a non-existent audience.

In the same way, when I'm honest with myself, I realize how not-deep I am. Not that I think I'm shallow, it's just that I'm the most boring person I know. I never stare at myself, trying to guess what I'm thinking. I never spend a long time debating how to communicate effectively to myself. I know that my life is very normal, though I want to be extraordinary and original. I suppose that God uses ordinary people like me for his purposes. So I want to use a combination of honesty and pretension, because once I realize the earthliness of myself, I'll be inspired to imitate Christ. I'm copying Solomon's prayer: "Give your servant therefore an understanding mind... that I may discern between good and evil!"


Michael said...

Tell me about it! I felt exactly the same when I started blogging, I suppose the trick is to "get over yourself" and just say what's on your mind! Becka, I have faith that God will use you to go do great things, even if you don't see them as "great" I believe is was Edith Shaffer that said that the most important moment in someones life is probably something they don't even remember.

Kaitlyn said...

I know the whole, "I'm just another ordinary, boring person feeling." I've been thinking recently (yeah, I know it's surprising), what is normal? Is anything we really know ordinary, boring, or normal?

Becka, I don't care that you're not "famous" (yet), God has and will use you.

And on a different note, I'm excited about your "speech practice" success! ;)

Hayley said...

Yay honesty/pretension combinations! And yay for blogging what we mean, not /only/ what we think is important to say. And yay for Becka who is made of awesome! And an awesome blogger, I might add. ; )