April 29, 2009

I'll revel in today!

I planned out my day today, and I strayed from my plan, oh it was beautiful. I sang Carpenters songs with my Dad. I saw Colleen happy, which isn't rare at all, but still nice. I ordered two U2 CDs from the CD swap. I wrote a poem about tedious repetition and meaningless words. I serenaded my neighbors with "On the street where you live." I wrote about ten reasons why people fall in love.

See, the things I remember are the things that weren't on my list at all. Oh, living is lovely.

April 28, 2009

Half-hearted attempts to create more beauty

I love words. I like art. I delight in poetry. I adore beauty.

I would like to start composing music, I think it would be interesting.

I would like to spend more time expressing myself through art, but if I don't work and study and act, maybe there will be nothing worthwhile to express.

April 26, 2009

What is eternal?

"We are the music-makers,
And we are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers,
And sitting by desolate streams..."

-Ode, by Arthur O'Shaughnessy

I love this poem. But, reading some of the comments on it makes me wonder. They say, "I think this poem really speaks to me." Or, "Don't ask me what this is supposed to mean, but it strikes a chord in me."

If something is meaningful, isn't it meaningful for everyone? If something is true, shouldn't it hold true for everyone?

Every so often, I find myself thinking that a certain sin afflicts me in particular, or a certain poem or song speaks to me in a way that it does to no one else. Kristen and I have referred to these conceptions as "Special Me Complex"- we fool ourselves that we experience something unique. I generally dislike claims that we're something special. Yet, despite the overarching similarities in human beings, I can't deny that we experience things differently.

I know that truth does not change. But is beauty in the eye of the beholder, coming into existence because of human experience? Is it possible for something to be eternally beautiful? Is true beauty something recognizable by everyone?

April 21, 2009

Senior speech

I don't know. If I was on that stage, I would want to say nothing. I don't know if I used to be super shy or extremely arrogant. Sure, I asked questions, sure I stumbled over my words when I spoke, but whatever.

What do I know now? Arg, all I know is that I know nothing. I'm full of questions, but more than that, just blown away by the love I experience here. They love me for who I am, they let me be myself, they aren't afraid of my clumsiness.

I am going to miss them. Thankfully, I don't have to say goodbye today. I don't have to understand my NCFCA experience. I feel bad saying this, but I am so thankful that I'm not graduating right now. wow.

(Written at the Reg10nals banquet, posted as per Lilly's suggestion.)

April 17, 2009

conscious of fault

We can create (ugly things)
We can copy (what suits our fancies)
We can share (another piece of broken glass)

What about beauty?

art is not an imitation of the world, it is an imitation of God.
there, a definition.

even our expression of foolishness is beautiful. It yearns to live.

Watch the scattered thoughts settle and burn

"Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you." What does that mean? Self-protection over sharing of truth? Who are the swine?

Our lives are basically worthless on our own. But giving our life away (dying to self, or for another) is the greatest sacrifice. Perhaps the great expression of love is realizing that we shouldn't prize our life so highly. "Love is a dollar that's already spent." (War in My Blood, Fiction Family) "Nothing that you have not given away will ever be really yours." (C.S. Lewis)

Isn't the ultimate value truth? It's like every debate round has the value of the eternally good, beautiful, and true. When we discuss "value clash," it's essentially criterion clash for the ultimate value. And the value-related arguments we bring challenge the standard by appealing to an inner standard. A value is only what we believe to be a more tangible expression of beauty, goodness, and truth. Do we fool ourselves in claiming that it's an absolute standard?

April 16, 2009

Fooling around on Paint is so much fun.

(That whooshy thing behind her is a beanstalk, in case you were wondering.)
I like this version better:

My favorite. :)

April 10, 2009


people are rich. (I think I'm going to borrow from them.)

you are rich. (I still don't have a word for the sharing of ideas, the fact that more than one person can possess truth at the same time.)

You show me meaning when I have nothing to offer. You love me when I'm selfish. You instruct me when I'm answerless.
It's no insult to my intelligence to become aware of the fact that you have something to share!

Rich can have bad connotations, but to me, rich means full, true, encouraged, being a whole person. Rich soil, rich minds.

It seems the more I learn, the more I notice the connections between everything. Wisdom is truth is meaning is wholeness is wealth. When I say I'm passionately in love with Truth, I mean, in a round-about way, that I'm in love with the whole world.