May 20, 2009

I fail at love.

Ridiculous, how much words affect
My perception of you
How I wish I could love you

You speak sweetly and humbly
I smile and am thankful I'm your friend
It's so nice to see the you I know

You comment offhandedly and coldly
I wonder if understand you
I doubt that we're connected

What if all I knew was one voice?
What if my open eyes were blind?
What if all attachment was a delusion?

But my fears about you now tear me up
Would you love me if I wasn't myself?
What happens if I fail to show who I really am?

I truly want to love, to not care
Even if you were the rudest person in the world
I want to be unaffected

But if my approval is so easily swayed
I should realize that yours is too
Unless I'm the only one who falters

I hate to admit my selfishness
My judgments, my desire for your faithfulness
Grasping onto a perfect fantasy

So I keep trying to stop these judging opinions
I keep remembering that I'm never alone
And I keep learning, learning to love


Micah E. said...

*sigh* Yes, just... yes.

Hayley said...

"But if my approval is so easily swayed I should realize that yours is too." There's a gut wrenching line.

To think of all the times I've thought of people, "they think they're loving, but they don't even know what love is." and in my foolishness I didn't realize how fitting an assessment it was of myself.

Michael said...

I hate the endless circles of selfishness involved in loving other people. Why do we have to be so conditional? Why do we love the lovable? and why do we need them to love us back? Do we care about anyone but ourselves? *sigh*

"Unless I'm the only one who falters"
Ha! you're all.