June 2, 2009

"For this is right" has got to be enough justification for me, sorry negative case.

I can feel it boiling inside me.
Mention the word "rule" and I start to go insane.
This underlying hatred of formality
This deep-seated desire for freedom

It makes me squirm and want to rebel
This is my life, your rules mean nothing to me
Sure, I care about you enough
But prove it! Prove to me why I should obey you!

Indulgence of disobedience makes no sense
Oh no, it's better to smile sweetly
Go along with your requests
Ignore my disapproval, be oblivious to my anger

It goes away like that, maybe not forever
But repeated assent will make conforming a habit
And this resistance will dissipate like...like...
Like my argument is falling apart right now.

Sigh, sarcasm never cultivated love...
Sacrifice... honor... joy... peace
I'm fighting against my own values
My stupid questioning gets in the way of what I need

(I think) I want to serve you and bless you
Or if I really don't care about you directly
I still care about a higher authority's command
I must submit. Love conquers everything.


Hayley said...

I only understand part of this, I think, but it makes this that much more interesting to me. (You perceiver, you.) "This is my brain, its torturous analytical thoughts make me go insane." Ftr, I still like your negative case.

I love you, I love that I got to see you today, and I love that I get to see you in (eek) less than two weeks! yusss.

Micah E. said...

I was going to write a speech about this, but then the whole regional leadership decided that I shouldn't.

But, they were right, following the rules really isn't that hard. The rules are still stupid, but obedience isn't. That doesn't make obedience any easier.

I love you Rebecca, and I don't want you to be depressed. Life is going to suck even if you're not happy. You might as well be happy.

Art said...

"I only understand part of this." What don't you understand?

I should get a bumper sticker or something that says, "penitent but proud perceiver." :P

"I don't want you to be depressed." I'm not, that was an effect of the way you wrote your post, not a reflection on my actual essence, k? But thanks! I don't quite know how it is that people can change from being depressed to being happy, or from miserable to joyful, but it happens- because joy is not based on circumstances! :)

I love both of you! :excited for Nats: