July 2, 2009

So, I have a job.

I go to work with my Dad, I come home exhausted. I try to catch up on my social life, but I feel unable to appreciate my friends, their writing, their ideas. I don't like living in this blank, blank world, when even the most vibrant is made stupidly bland.

The more I stare into meaninglessness, the less able I am to realize anything. Oh, there can be no overdose of Truth, avoiding the Truth does not help us appreciate it when we find it. Not as if meaning isn't present at all at the library. It's a nice place, in its own way. The people are friendly, and I like seeing how my dad knows everyone. But ehhh. When I came home today, I felt so weary from being in a little windowless room, my fingers were tired from typing up lists of Jazz DVDs all day, my mind felt like it was asleep. Not so much now, thankfully. (And I don't think I felt any repurcussions from the utterly freezing air-conditioning.)

I want to like working, but so far I don't think I do. I want to be optimistic, I want to try again next week. I am glad to have a job that isn't too physically taxing. (It feels so official to call it a job, but internship is more misleading- in actuality, I'm just doing odd jobs around the library.)

I think the best parts about going to work are the times I'm not working. (Hah.) The campus is beautiful, the sun was lovely, the 3:00 break was refreshing. (Oh, and I know how to use IRIS to search if the library needs more books!) Coming home is relieving. And, I think I appreciate my dad more, too. Cooking, or doing school, or working on debate is hard enough, but this seems harder- or at the very least, more foreign and unnatural. I feel like I'm getting older, simply by working at a library. If you measure age by perspective, then I guess I am. Today's experience is making me look at the world in a different way, and that makes me happy. :)


Michael said...

Wow, I identify with this post a lot. It does feel nice to say "i have a job" but the actual job bit of it is...less nice. Doesn't it make you realize just how much your dad does for you guys five days a week? After working at the store for a couple of days I realized why my dad takes his shoes off with such satisfaction and relief at the end of the day.

I'm not sure if this will be true for you, but it will get easier. Not really easier, but it'll feel easier.

Hayley said...

Yeah, I don't really like work either. :P Like you said, it's not that I mind the actual work, but there's this psychological tick in my mind telling me that while I'm working my time is not my own, and that knowledge bugs me! [And I feel like the older I get it will only get worse!]

And I love my parents that much more for working.

Art said...

Michael: Mhm! And, the hope of it getting easier is encouraging.

Hayley, I somehow have the feeling that I missed your point, or you missed mine...But perhaps not.

Psychologically, I like the idea of working at the library. Though, your train of thought is interesting. Actually, I think that is how I view baby-sitting as well. I wonder why the discrepancy. Maybe...little kids are just more fun?

Also, when I babysit, I'm usually given little notice, and I'm reluctant to leave my life at home. At the library, I already know that's how I'm devoting my day. That might have something to do with it. Hum.