August 1, 2009

in the presence of God

I am so overwhelmed by love. Most prominently, the love of God. The love of an infinite God for a finite human. I am pondering the mystery of eternity in my heart and the enormity of love that it takes to redeem it. I am (figuratively now, but literally a few hours ago) lying on the wet grass in the Moons' backyard, a human of the earth, yet with my eyes fixed on the clouds, the skies, the heavens.

I think, sometimes, that I am a parrot, wanting to know how to pray but only finding the words already spoken: "Heavenly Father, you always amaze me." "Thy will be done." I want it to mean something, and I desire to communicate truly, but I have to start somewhere.

I sought the Lord today. He answered me in with the sounds of the crickets (or were they cicadas? I don't know), in the grass that hurt my feet at first but strangely started to feel like home, in the grey cloudy skies, in the giddy spinning, the warm rock, the leaves with raindrops still clinging to them delicately.

Psalms 34:4 tells me "He delivered me from all my fears." What do I fear? I fear solitude, being alone. Am I simply inventing fears to go along with the pattern I desire to see in my life? No, I don't believe so. I know that this fear of being alone is one directly answered by the presence of the Lord.

These thoughts seemed so real, yet so surreal when I thought them. Perhaps I didn't think them: maybe I felt them. I'm not sure I know the difference. But I know that love is real, and it's been bubbling over me all this evening. God is good, ever so good, and He is more wonderful than I can ever imagine.

3 comments:

Lis said...

We should have done that together too =)

"I am so overwhelmed by... the love of God". Amen. I pray that feeling will last for the rest of your life. Of course, I also pray it won't be a feeling at all but a reality ( refer back to conversation ... 7 hours ago and Paul Washer quote :P )
"yet with my eyes fixed on the clouds, the skies, the heavens." Maybe that's the beauty I see when I look into your eyes: the sparkle that reflects the sky. Stay cought up in the 'clouds'; leave your mind fixed on things above and not on the things of the earth. There find your *innocence* though evil surrounds you.

eh, almost curfew. I'll send you the rest of my thoughts sometime after I get home ;) Just one more thing for now... "in the grass that hurt my feet at first but strangely started to feel like home, in the cloudy skies, in the giddy spinning, the warm rock, the leaves with raindrops still clinging to them delicately." = [sigh because the beauty catches my words]

1) the feel of grass is something worth getting used to, no?

2) Already said you remind me of the sky. But it was worth saying again

3) "giddy" and "spinning" are two of my favorite words. Especially together. Could you guess?

4) raindrops. leaves. [ the look that says everything goes here ]

Cher, thanks for talking with me. I love you.

Echoes in Ink said...

Hey there!!!

This is Catey, from ICC.

I think I successfully found your blog! And I'm really excited (as the !s testify to)

Strangely enough, this seems familiar. Perhaps I stumbled upon your blog earlier this year? I don't know.

Anyway, I miss you very much and you are a great writer. I'll be checking back soon!

Echoes in ink,
Catey
www.sparksofillumination.blogspot.com

Grace Joan said...

thank you.

I am so glad I read this.

(tonight he answered me with a cup of tap water, and fireflies)