August 19, 2009


We're alone, but I don't think we have to be. Joanna feels, (or at least felt) alone, with only her mother as her mentor. Hannah feels alone, sometimes, wishing she could participate in human love. Zach feels alone, it seems he's without a community to hang onto. Michael feels alone, too, I think, partially because Katie and Grace are gone. Kristen feels alone, because she's interning and teaching and I'm not there with her. (Though, I don't want to exaggerate my own influence.) This must feel like criticism... who am I to tell people they are lonely? Yet doesn't everybody feel alone, sometimes? Doesn't everyone, at some time, have nothing left but to cry out to God, "Do not be far from me, for trouble is near and there is no one to help" ?

I've felt alone, too, desperately alone, though I don't feel it presently. Why? Is it because I have a wonderful mother? Is because I've had lovely chats with friends? Is it because God's love is unfailing? How is it fair that I live in joy when others feel despondent? Of course, I don't want to imply that my friends aren't constantly being strengthened and loved abundantly by their Father, or that they don't know how to deal with problems by themselves.

I just wonder.... Is the solution for loneliness a human one? Something that could be solved by people, maybe "if we wore big tags or we threw big parties where only lost people could go." Something that could be solved by me? I've been given love, and I want to share it. But I take too much credit if I think my love can be anything but feeble, if I think my love can save anything- or anybody. I know how it is: I am just supposed to be willing to be used by God. *sigh* No one wishes to be pitied, unless they are the ones taking pity on themselves.

Is there a real problem? If there is, I wish I could help. I wish I could do something. Could you tell me how to pray for you?

I don't know. I guess... I just want to let all of you know, as helpless as I am, I love you. So don't you forget it.


Eunice said...

I love you, too! Mothers feel alone sometimes, too!

ego amo te.

Elizabeth said...

Thanks, Rebecca. I love you, too! :-)

Kay said...

"(Though, I don't want to exaggerate my own influence.)"
You aren't. It is that big.

Also, I have marked this as unread in my google reader. I want to come back and read it again. I feel like there is something I am trying to say, but can't think of it.