October 16, 2009

These are the words of silence

I think I am love with music. Or people. Or living.

I set today apart for debate. Perhaps instead I'll work on ReCAP. Perhaps I'll try to find the three more platforms I need for YSG. Perhaps I'll write my part of the delightful skit about aliens I'm writing for our Chapter's community project.

I agree with Hayley, I am very cold, and I need some fingerless gloves. I still haven't finished the ones I started knitting... like a year ago. Yesterday I found the yarn and needles and one-and-a-half gloves I had already knitted, so I should have the gloves finished soon!

Yesterday it seemed I was inundated with interesting thoughts. And now they feel out of place to write about.

I wonder why I feel sometimes feel not present in the situation. Am I just fooling myself in thinking that I didn't completely act like myself yesterday? Random quote from yesterday: "Rebecca is the kind of person who actually deserves an ipod." Source, my friend Suzanna. :)

I started a little index of my commonplace-notebook, with the intent of writing down the page numbers to particular thoughts that have consumed me, and the ones that made my heart ache. I think it would give a better sense of completion to the notebook, since it's completely full now.* The index is entitled: "Don't Judge Me" or "Don't Call Me a Judger." An informal Index or users' guide to my common-place notebook.

I feel the part about not calling me a judger is justified, as I haven't begun indexing yet, and I don't know if I ever will.

More irony is that yesterday I had a blog post draft open with nothing in it except a subject line. The title was "Everything."

I should read more.

I can't decide if blogging is preferable to individual conversations. I don't think it is, it's less personal, only it's very efficient to talk about my life to a bunch of my friends at once.

I wonder if I should study more for the PSAT tomorrow.

I love the voice recording function on my ipod.

I feel shallow. I am self-absorbed and I care too much about how I look in front of you all. I am now feeling self-conscious for being insecure. I don't like being wrong. I want to be confident. I wonder if it's contrived to feel the peace of God through a song. I wonder if it's incorrect to attribute a mood to the work of God. I adore the song "Dreamlife" by Sleeping at Last. I want to be real. I like feeling emotions. I am richly blessed.

*My new one is a little red book that says "notebook" on it, and it's over fifty years old. The cover is kind of falling off, so I taped it, and was disappointed when I found we only had imitation duct tape. I used clear tape instead. It's probably foolish to keep my thoughts in a book that isn't sturdy.


Hayley said...

I think I am in love.

With your face.


Micah E. said...

Not sturdy notebooks are kind of un-fun, esp. when the pages fall out.

I think blogging is kinda meh. But I only think that about my blog. I think all my friends blogs are just wonderful.