July 5, 2010


A pendulum is a hopeless thing. Back and forth, back and forth it sways, a path unbroken, never gaining on itself or even moving backwards. Caught in the unchanging sines and cosines of its repetitious function; a falling, a rising up, a falling again. Like how we find ourselves free of our pride only to congratulate ourselves and be enslaved again. Of letting go, and grasping back again.

Only, we move with a force unmeasured, unending. Resurrected from the dead - conquering - He is strong enough to rise forever.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. (2 Cor 4:16)

But why do I seem to keep falling? Probably, probably because he's releasing me from all the sins that weigh on me. It takes a long time to loosen my grip on everything I want to keep. I've found myself mute on this blog, unable to post anything but poetry, because everything else was tinged with the desire to create something of my experiences or gain the approval of all of you. There are times I love to tell too much, and finding that out was a beautiful letdown.

you heard of being rich
with gold refined by fire
but you didn't know it meant
that all you thought was yours would be burned away
and only My power remain.

So we are not pendulums, bound to futility by some unfeeling force. Every falling is a humbling, to show us how our strength is in Him alone. And He is strong enough to rise forever.


Serfy said...

hmm not quite how I see pendulums...they represent regularity and trustworthiness to me rather. But I thank you for introducing that metaphor to me. :)

and, I feel that way when I blog, or even speak, all the time. a feeling of grasping for a pure motive but never quite reaching it.

Avery said...

Beautifully put. I think because you are so consistent in self examination, you and your writings inspire me to do the same.