July 29, 2010

Smiling and secrets and quotes from Phantastes. (What I sometimes call joy)
Kind memories, and wanting to love and find God.
Metaphors for faithfulness, earth and grass and wind.
Peace? Thinking of being more of a protector than the one kept safe, held. not that I've lost innocence.
Romans 8, again. You did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but the spirit of adoption as sons. And irrevocable identity, hoping that what I go through is me being humbled, thinking I am never far away from God though yesterday I felt I had lost something.

I wonder how hard it would be to change my tone and really talk to whoever is reading my blog.
There are a lot of people here, who are interesting to be around and listen to and watch. I could talk about them for a long time.

I don't know about repeating what I've learned or am learning here, as if it unintegrates my life.
I've become better at being open and letting other people help me. I realize that I often am better off when not leading. I wonder about using the word love. I may have become more deadpan, erring on the side of understatement, as I tiptoe around expressions of affection because I want them to be very true.

When I say I love someone, I mean that I will be silent when my words would hurt them, and forgive them when I feel hurt, and think the best of them when I don't understand or know them, and listen to them without being concerned about myself. Love means that I will suffer when they do, or when I see suffering coming to them, and that their happiness will bring me joy. So I don't want it to simply mean I think they're fairly cool and don't want me to think I don't like them. And it doesn't just mean that I miss them or wish they were there to pay attention to me. I want to love everyone, and love many people, only I'm very aware that love is much to promise.

What does it mean when Jon Foreman says love isn't made?

Works. matter-of-factness, then. (I know that doesn't make sense: it means, a lot of what I think about is what I do and so I don't need to talk about it.)

I'm happy.

2 comments:

Mater said...

"only I'm very aware that love is much to promise." You speak words of wisdom succinctly.

doing my best to love you dear, truly.

Mom
being faithful in prayer

Michael said...

This post reminds me of you as you are, rather than as you are in my head. Thanks for updating me on your life :)

"So I don't want it to simply mean I think they're fairly cool and don't want me to think I don't like them." Mhm. I know what that's like. I'm afraid I can be double minded about this. Sometimes I'm very strict about using the word love, and mean it with dead seriousness (as you talked about for most of that paragraph), and then other times I can let it slip out as a kind of side note to someone saying something funny. ("oh, so-and-so, I love you!") :-/

"And it doesn't just mean that I miss them or wish they were there to pay attention to me."
Yes, that's just a kind of . . . loving of being loved.

"only I'm very aware that love is much to promise." *nods* [concurs with Mrs. Au]

"What does it mean when Jon Foreman says love isn't made?"

Love isn't something we create? Or something we conjure up to give to and take from one another? Somehow . . . when I think of loving my neighbor, when I do love my neighbor . . . it seems incorrect to say it was something that was "made" . . . Oh, because using words like "made" or "created" imply commodity, or . . . some kind of substance, when love is in fact a duty and requirement, something that fulfills a debt or claim (while even in fulfilling remaining indebted). That's as far as I can get with the question, at least for now. :)