July 10, 2010

Witness, Part 2

I paused as I came down the hill to the park. In the stillness I felt drawn, aching, concerned, and I saw the parents and children. People - right there, and I thought of how I want to speak to people about God and love them. How much of that was for myself, my consistency or self-respect or courage, and how much of it was for love's sake. Was I even in a state to try to witness when I wasn't fully clear in my own head what I had seen and how I would testify.

I drew closer, uncertain, and still smiling for joy and for peace and for His presence always being there. And all I did was to smile at a mother, and confused, swing slowly back and forth. There were the Jewish dads talking by the toddler swings, there were the moms talking or playing with their kids, there was the man sitting and watching quietly on the bench, and all I did was to get up from my swing, and venture a "hi" to a girl walking past me.

I feel both the weight and the lightness, the weight of a concern I don't understand, if I could love with this self of mine enough, oh to be used by God. Wanting to do what I am made to do. Yet the lightness, the face of God and a conversation He's kept and promises He will keep.


Mom said...

I felt as if I was with you there in the park...wondering....pondering... thinking. Rest in the Lord, he WILL lead you to the next place, the next smile and the next conversation.