October 12, 2010

solidity.

When I tell stories or write essays, I try to ask a question big enough so that I see the threads all cast outwards, diversely, and then am able to weave them together into one. Or else there's hardly a point in writing.

But sometimes I set my sights on a problem too big for me to understand, especially in one sitting. Or two, or three. Such is the problem that I have for the essay I am writing right now, about my aspirations. Such also is the state of a poemish thing I was trying to write today, about future and purpose and redemption. The complexity of the problem is so linked to my own understanding of ideas, my own history, that I am having trouble expressing the true answer, apart from the answer I found which brought closure in the context of my own life.

So this post is a break from universals into the satisfying particulars of my life. I mainly want to say that the sky is glorious, and gave me an answer today. The way the sun glows through the clouds, the way the sunlight reflects on the water, the way the clouds shaped a pink dove with wings spread broadly across the sky: all of that reminded me of the expanses of the glory of God. And it's a beauty I remember even when I can't understand the extent of my question or the doctrinal answer. I want to get my mind around things and understand them fully, but it's good sometimes to let things surround me, and instead of containing them, be within them.

3 comments:

Statue of Clay said...

I like this idea of being surrounded by things, instead of trying to contain them. It's something I was thinking about today. Wouldn't it be wonderful to be surrounded and engulfed by God? So freeing.

Hayley said...

"The complexity of the problem is so linked to my own understanding of ideas, my own history, that I am having trouble expressing the true answer, apart from the answer I found which brought closure in the context of my own life." :sigh: Story of my LIFE.

I am so afraid sometimes, of resting in what I know. But what else can I do, except to be within.

Serfy said...

mm I've snatched moments and many moments lately just to revel in the quiet joy of being alive, not thinking thoughts beyond "how warm the sun is!" It's a good thing to do. :)