November 3, 2010


When I get to the last lap, I run as hard as I can.
I was looking at Makoto Fujimura's paintings, and they were so dazzling, I could barely take them in. "Soliloquies - Joy" kept moving, clicking like beads. So do I turn away, glad, or stare longer and learn more?
Discipline. Maybe it brings a higher sublime.

Yesterday, I read a short story by Dr. Reynolds. And I didn't know why, but I was shaking by the end of it. "I realized that I served Dad, I did not love him." I do not think it would be wrong to say I am very conscientious about the principles I live by. And I had been caring, very much that day, over expressing things rightly and creating something worthwhile. But my idols were now knocked over, and joy came in.

Today I was reading a book assigned for school, Green Mansions, and I was frustrated by it, the style of writing was tedious and the author seemed very self-absorbed. I told my mom what I thought about it, and she told me to trust the author at least a little longer. I saw that I was thinking myself so above, so superior, when instead I was again dealing judgment rather than mercy. I returned to my book, and the entire mood of my reading of it was changed.

Be faithful. Give mercy. Love God. And remember that every moment can crack open to let in grace.


mana said...

I like this one: Soliloquies - Joy
Mineral Pigments, Gold on Belgian Linen