May 31, 2011

May 30 + little children

Would I tire of this? Surely -
But not so much as to want to stop.
I'd be consciously and contentedly simple:
Heart tied to theirs, trading intellect for empathy.

This past weekend helped me appreciate, understand, and love little kids so much more. Makes me want to be a mother. The staff at the children's program I was teaching at told the kids to listen to "Rebecca Jie-Jie" (Jie-Jie means older sister). All I could think of when I started to write a poem last night was, "I may never march in the infantry. . ." 

I have thought about being a child of God, in the sense of being the daughter of my heavenly Father. Now I empathize with little children themselves, and see how I am like one in relation to God. I would like to write more about this to share with everyone who was praying for me. Juggling social media. :)

[Shout-out to Serfy for doing this with me. :GRIN:]

May 24, 2011

May 23

For love I lost the dreams I planned
   The horse carried me off before I had quite held on
In waiting for Him I found strength to sustain me
   Now we're racing through wind and my face grows flush
I'm finally content to accept the new:
   My eyes are still blind but my heart's secured.

May 22, 2011

May 21 [sonnet]

It makes me dizzy how much I bend,
Molding my words to fit those who hear;
I form to the pattern of those who are near
Or feel that for not doing so, I must defend.

Unmoored, I fear my faith's mettle's lack:
If outwards were gone, would substance be there?
But by moving for God's sake and not for the care
Of the world, I am righted and cannot turn back.

When Christ is the center, all else becomes straight
Though God's presence in me is not fully distinct,
And people are varied and roles are diverse.
Seeking after His heart makes my doubting abate
- Communion with God and true speaking are linked -
Thus trusting in Him breaks the power of the curse.

May 13, 2011

May 11

If I can't have a confident joy,
can I at least have insistent tears?
You know how I am driven mad
by my surrounding fears.

I've poured my heart out weeping
I know too much useless grief
I want instead to be filled, and drown
the sound of my doubts with belief

When the paralyzed sought healing,
he lowered himself and knocked
Jesus said, "Your sins are forgiven"
and he stood up and walked.

May 11, 2011

I have a friend who writes songs and sings them. I heard her gentle voice, telling of wishing to stay, and it was as if her care extended even to me, as if, even if she was not thinking of me when she wrote it, she would want me to believe that the words were meant for me. I am more moved by empathy with her - or by hers for me - than I am concerned with comparing myself. It is well.

May 7, 2011

May 7 [1 John 1:9]

Today was like concrete.
Some things just take flat time,
a dose of concentration,
a computer, notes, and fingers.
Hearts fell rough, though.
I was as hard as the sidewalk,
and less accommodating.
My care came out like
cherry juice, thinly sweet,
in words to make apology
and efforts to help.
Forgive me, I cried,
I want to change my ways.
My grieving didn't scrub me clean -
His blood did that
(thicker and more live than cherries,
and a surer soap).
Today I was walking to exile
but the road has turned to lead me home.

May 6 [perhaps I should write earlier in the day]

sleep is like the water hole
the animals gather round
their spread-out journeys
drawn together

activities are disparate
galloping, grazing
but at the close of day
they rest as one.

May 3, 2011

May 2 ["Speak what we feel, not what we ought to say"]

I love reading passages aloud, I confess.
It is like acting; and I find it a delight
To move my lips to deliver an address
And exercise my voice to raise its height.

But using words to cover up the spaces
That silence fills, ungainly, causing us offense
Denies the hope of understanding, and replaces
The childlike questions with cowardly pretense.

May 1, 2011

May 1

Is faith a substitute for patience
Or love pressed out of desperation?
Is truth excuse for discontent,
the cause of disillusionment?