March 6, 2012

Full

Apologies if you're not specifically mentioned here. If you're one of my followers, I'm still thinking of you, and at the very least I don't mind you reading.

I know, I know. I've retired this blog. But the things I have to say this evening don't fit at all in the context of my tumblr. This is for my friends, my old friends. I thought of emailing you, but the old familiar blogging layout seemed more suited.

I've been swimming for a long time, pushing forward to the next thing. I have a theory, that there is only so much time for "margin" (as Wendell called it, and our team adopted), and if you know you're going to have a lot of margin, space, freedom coming up, you have to give up the little things you tend to do in the meantime, like reading blogs and listening to music and writing stories and checking facebook. It's a wonderful thing to be driven, but (Averygirl knows this, actually a lot of people do) my work ethic is TOO INTENSE sometimes. (I can't talk to you all without talking about my team...)

So, youth ministry. Hayley, my first impulse was to say how much I missed it. But I think my original heart surge at the topic was because of my emotional connection to my team, and the whole tour. It's weird to have your beliefs and likes determined by the people closest to you, but that's in a large way what happened. For me, it is better to think of individual people I love or have shown love to, rather than claiming devotion to a ministry.

Tonight reminds me of all God has taught me about waiting on his Spirit to share thoughts, and to have a sense of clarity. Those two desires, for understanding and communication, seem to have been consistent themes on this blog. Recently I haven't put off everything until I had them, but instead I've kept on going, getting ready for two Flood the Five events I'm helping to run this month.

If you're reading this, Hannah Faith, I've been thinking a lot about you today. Right now I'm reminded of the conversation we had in January about how we've changed since we first met, and how philosophy and questions and reading have opened to more freedom in Christ. I'm paraphrasing, but I'm sure you know, I appreciated that conversation.

Like I expressed on Liz's blog, I've been praying to follow God's call on my life, especially in how I continue to build relationships. (Aren't relationships what give substance to life, anyway?) But tonight, I am reminded of how blessed I am to have you as friends. I thought I gave up my NCFCA community when I skipped off to college. I missed being at Regionals so much. I am grateful this community still exists.