September 20, 2012

confess

i want to talk about the confused emotions i have about school
but don't want the upperclassmen whose approval i'm so desperate to obtain to read it

i want to zip my mouth shut in my science class
because i asked too many questions tuesday
so that we couldn't cover all the material
related, of course, is that upperclassmen are in that class
and i suppose that if i had their respect and friendship
that. . . what? i'd have the validation of the gods?

funny
that amidst this
insecurity
are emails
from new friends
possibilities of meeting
and past ways i've already been welcomed

this book, "sin, pride and self-acceptance" is so lucid - now that we've come to chapter 6 -
explains why prideful people are so insecure, and how self-sacrificing people may be motivated by pride
i'm grateful for my conversation on Tuesday with L,
for my classmates' support and encouragement
for a mom whom i trust to tell her my fears and feelings
for a God who has bound himself to me