September 20, 2012


i want to talk about the confused emotions i have about school
but don't want the upperclassmen whose approval i'm so desperate to obtain to read it

i want to zip my mouth shut in my science class
because i asked too many questions tuesday
so that we couldn't cover all the material
related, of course, is that upperclassmen are in that class
and i suppose that if i had their respect and friendship
that. . . what? i'd have the validation of the gods?

that amidst this
are emails
from new friends
possibilities of meeting
and past ways i've already been welcomed

this book, "sin, pride and self-acceptance" is so lucid - now that we've come to chapter 6 -
explains why prideful people are so insecure, and how self-sacrificing people may be motivated by pride
i'm grateful for my conversation on Tuesday with L,
for my classmates' support and encouragement
for a mom whom i trust to tell her my fears and feelings
for a God who has bound himself to me